goodbye.

This will be my final post (or so I say) on this blog.

After much thought and deliberation, I have decided to end it. I think of it to be a chronicle of my high school years, and not something that I wish to continue on and on. I might make a new one in a little bit. We'll see. But this one, along with my high school life, must come to an end.

I keep saying to my friends, "I just can't wait for college" and I think one of the big reasons is that I want to start over. I want to get rid of some of the connotations my name carries and be different than what I am now. I find myself drifting away from what I used to be, both good things and not. I don't think I'm becoming a bad person, because I really haven't done anything dishonorable in a while. I just find myself evolving. It is supposed to happen.

I'm not doing a complete 180 overnight, that's for sure. But I guess I am accepting growth and change for the first time in a very long time. My relationships with a lot of people have changed, and all of them, I believe, for the better. Some of the things that used to weigh my mind are now the last of my worries. Some of the people I once thought the world of, I no longer see with such admiration. Some of the people I once considered friends, but not best friends, are now the people I feel most comfortable with. Maybe I'm finding my niche a little more. Or something. I don't know. But I do know that right now, I really like where my life and mind are going.

So I'm taking this link off my Facebook profile. If you know about this blog, you've probably been reading it for a long time, so you know the address if you ever want some cheap entertainment. I want to leave the high school me behind and carry forward without anything to drag me down.










The End.









Peace.

21 days till college.

Much has been happening, and much I will not tell you about.

fjeiowjd2390jdla;sjfklas;jfojadklsjfkdaljfkdasl;fjadjfksadl;jfds

That is how I feel right now.









How 'bout how good it feels to finally forgive you...

Last night was very fun. I reunited with a bunch of old friends from Notre Dame and we drank wine and cheap beer and acted really stupid and had a really fun time. I lived today with a vicious hangover, but last night was so definitely worth it.









I feel like taking a weekend trip, probably to St. Louis or something. What are cool things to do? Because I want to do things that people who don't live in St. Louis don't know about. Things that only the natives know about. Help me out. Memphis is a possibility as well.










August 12th...where are you...













Rest in peace, Katie.
08.10.87 - 07.13.07

good things come.

Last night was, by far, the best Fourth of July I have ever had.

And it was probably the best night I've had all summer.

It was just perfect. Just perfect.




So, so suspenseful.

Not really, because it is just one of those things that has to be said, just because that's how the typical cliched young college student is. Nothing I say is insightful or worth reading anymore. I have no poetic words to offer and no emotions worth connecting to. Our greatest moments have all been intangible, as have most everyone's. I am going to try to stop rambling about them when I know I am not intelligent enough to explain myself.

My friends say I'm crazy, and I agree
But that's okay, that's the way I like to be.

Fact of the matter is, I've done enough stupid shit to possibly be classified as a fuck-up by any sane person's standards. But guess what. I don't have the energy nor the desire to care anymore, because for the first time since the ice melted, I do not feel chained to anything. I walk along the ground and do not feel my feet lift the ground, but rather drag themselves through the dirt and leaving trails that will soon be swept away.

Fact of the matter is, I have no fucking clue what I am talking about right now, and you probably don't either. I have begun to realize that I am having a hard time picturing the person I am now heading off to Mizzou in only a few weeks. What I thought was truly myself may be just another one of the get-ups I have put a lot of time, money, and energy into molding into to satisfy various people. Example: I just got a new iPod after the death of my first one, and while trying to remember some of the songs I had illegally downloaded on my first one, I realized I really fucking hate that song and never even listened to it on my iPod. Rather, I had it on there, in case you saw it, and then you could ooh and ahh and think, "Wow, she is exactly what I am looking for." Well, guess what. I didn't download your favorite song. Because your favorite song blows.

There is no such thing as "growing up" because we have no plateau to reach. Growth does not cease. We're just a bunch of fucking chameleons constantly changing our colors but staying the same. If that makes any damn sense.

Anyhow, I am learning that sleep deprivation makes me delirious and rambling and erratic stream of consciousness writing is very fun when listening to Sufjan Stevens and laying on your bedroom floor. My bed is three feet away from me, but I don't know if I have the energy to lift my head off my arm and sleep in it. I wonder what you all are doing right now. I don't know about you, but for some reason, I feel emancipated. In a very nice way.





Yes, yes, last night was a very enjoyable evening. One that has had me smiling for 24 hours now.

I want to swim away, but I don't know how...

Much has happened since my last post.

I'm just too damn lazy to write about it all.

I started work at the bank again. Nothing eventful there. But getting money is always nice.

I am thankful that my worries are microscopic compared to some of my friends'.

Just know that I am always here.

Always.

Charles was shipped off to boarding school for five weeks yesterday. In Georgia. Sam and Mary Ellen are really falling off the edge. I think they've finally crossed the line of being protective to just being plain ridiculous.

Virginia left for the mission trip in New Orleans yesterday as well. She'll only be gone a week, though.

Today we had a mad crazy thunderstorm.

I like the song "Into the Ocean" by Blue October.

I am writing this post on my brand new black MacBook which I got at Summer Welcome at Mizzou last week.

I'm excited about Mizzou.

Sam and Mary Ellen aren't letting me bring my car, which I was pissed about at first, but now I don't care too much. I really won't need it all that much, plus, it means I will probably come home less. I told them not to expect me in Sikeston before Thanksgiving.

Today I hung out with Chels. She and Whitney (her boyfriend) just moved into their new apartment, and he was at work, so we just chilled and talked about how there are some really awesome people and some really fucked up people. Either way, you just have to live with them. It was relaxing. Sometimes doing nothing at home by yourself can be stressful. It's better to do nothing with someone. We went to Peking and had a scrumptious dinner. Then we went back to the apartment. It started storming like mad. So we watched a bootleg documentary from the 1970's about Charles Manson. It was really artsy and interesting. Then I came home.

But anyway.

I wish it was August 12th. (Move-in day at Mizzou.)

How is it midnight already? This day was too short.

Someone better have a party tomorrow.

Peace out.

"LOOK AT MY TAN LINES!"

What happens in Puerto Vallarta better damn well stay in Puerto Vallarta...that's all I have to say!

Man, it was SO fun!

Not to mention...I don't know, maybe all of the alcohol killed a bunch of my useless brain cells or something, but I have a new perspective on a few things now. Maybe it was just being around people I really care about for four days that helped me get rid of a lot of the bad things I had going on. I mean, yeah, I did a lot of stupid shit down there, but I really don't have the desire to do them again. You learn, I guess. But I also came home with a different view on other things. A view I kind of like.

I think I always say that after trips. But oh well. Maybe it'll be for real this time.

And with that, I want to extend a nice "fuck you" to people who are all hung up on themselves. Sorry, but you're not that cool. We're all in college now. Let's act like big kids.

Peace.

fdjakfdja;.

I'm leaving for Puerto Vallarta senior trip tomorrow!!!! KEEP IT REAL!!!!!